One year older. I realized some things this past weekend… one thing was my mother (I haven’t seen/spoken to her for almost a year; my choice). There are still many times I get angry and upset and many of my reactions stem from the past with her. But a lot of why I get angry is my mind not understanding why. Why she did this, that, why she can’t understand me, why both our souls were put together in this life, why she is the way she is.
But a thought popped into my head and told me, I’m just going to let go… I don’t need to understand why because it is what it is. She is emotionally stunted along with many other mental problems and irrational fears (that’s putting it nicely; I think she is a monster) so why even try to piece all that together.. it’s like trying to understand an unsolved mystery. Sometimes things don’t have explanations (like life, I suppose). The same goes for people too. I spend wasted energy trying to figure people out but… unsolved mysteries.
It doesn’t mean I’m “healed” or forgive her (I wish forgiveness was as easy as some people make it sound–even if you forgive it takes a long time for that energy to transform into complete peace. Or perhaps I have challenges with forgiveness which is why this is my situation in this lifetime to learn how to do so..)
I may have a lot of things to work through but one thing I’m not going to be held back by is fear. I’m not afraid if it takes me til the moment before I die or when I’m in the darkest place of shadows. At least the dark place is real.
But anyways, Paris has been pushed back til the end of May (YAY) and Palm Springs was…. duh, hot. We judge cities by their food and this place has a bunch of glorified IHOPS. Food snobs, perhaps?
But I’ll give credit to Purple Palms. It was pretty nice and anytime you get a whole fish head stuffed with surprises is a good sign.
Currently reading Taco USA. Does anyone else besides me get cravings for a taco so HARD? Like, every hour of the day? If you want good mexican food… go to a shop with a B rating. Trust me (& not the roaches on the floor). And if this doesn’t cancel out the food snob in me, I don’t know what will.
(I love this shirt. It’s from my friend’s clothing line Hardcouture. And the gold shark tooth necklace is from her store too 
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