Tag Archives: ego

love and the unconscious

Everyone has dark black feelings and the more they are suppressed, the further we get from our higher selves… People who act like everything is hunky dory all the damn time – it will catch up to them.. I understand seeing the silver lining on the cloud, glass half full but sometimes life is hell and to have a human connection is to be able to express that and a fellow being to understand. To lend some heart. I see too many times a person bearing a piece of their soul and a person too shielded from their own shortcomings and unconscious hurts they turn away and close the door (like making an abrupt “be positive” comment or of course, a negative one). I suppose compassion can only be learned through experience and that takes time and patience.. and I suppose I am also learning compassion to understand that others take time (not that I am at the finish line or anything).

I believe (romantic) love is really just our Self searching and desire to uncover our unconscious dark parts. Maybe it’s a bit too simple-minded to say but those not “ready” for love aren’t ready to be face to face with that darkness just yet? Love is brave.. not only the falling in love, but once you get to the rough bits.. there is a reason for those. And that person who scrapes those unconscious parts is your partner, the one who will guide you through… if they are ready also.. many are not and that hurts like hell too. (Sometimes the truth is, they might not be ready with you but they will be with somebody else)

I think as a woman we really know these things but we only feel brave enough to express it so and believe it to be right when we have a brave man by our side to help us and conquer it together. It takes two, the ying and yang. I can only observe and write from my own experience but it seems I have and am generously learning through love.

 

ben smythe

This guy is hilarious and so refreshing…

 

Our Age

 

don’t think. feel.

Sometimes when someone speaks to you from pure honesty and shares their flaws, their low points, their struggles, all they want is to be heard. Forget all you’ve read or think you know, forget your own experiences, the should’s and shouldn’t's, forget all the quotes you have stored in your mind and just say, I’m here for you.  I’m listening.

 

peeking past


Me; 2008

Browsed through old photos from years back..

Instead of smiles, I feel anxiety. Missing a lot of things. But not sure what. Missing the naivety, the ignorance, even the long hair that is now short, the picture-taking oblivion, the not-giving-a-shit. I want to know it all — before the conditioning, the childhood, before the hurts and pains, before the tattoos, Hollywood. I want to feel and know the soul I am made of.

I’m tired of my “self.” And I have been for a long time. Sometimes I wonder if we ever realize how much we depend on society? How we would be in our day-to-day without Facebook, without cell phones, without everyone looking at our every move. Can we really know our selves at all? How much of our selves that we think we are is really only an act, a show? I miss the days when we didn’t depend so much on our cell phones.. and wasn’t interrupting a moment by clamoring for a photo.. or “I did this, that; I met so and so” and instead just enjoyed it.. soaked it into our heart and bones…

My thoughts are not different, are not special or separate. I believe the waves and cycles of all humanity-including all emotions and thoughts-before us and after us and that is all it is — waves. Temporary particles manifested from the beings we all are together. It all feels right; these realizations waiting for me all along, before I was even born, and many more, already existing inside me. Waiting.

 

true for you

Nobody is ever right or wrong..

Every being seems to be on a unique journey with its own rhythm, notes, lessons and truths. When something is written or said that is true for that person, it is hopeless to argue, defend, to attempt to apply and fit it into our own. It seems dangerous to idolize and believe one person.. (even Ghandi.. :) )

Take what you like and leave what you don’t, silently.

Whatever is true for you will resound without explanation, without warning and will stay safe in the soul always.

 

The New Psychology of Success

George Danzig was a graduate student in math at Berkeley. One day, as usual, he rushed in late to his math class and quickly copied the two homework problems from the blackboard. When he later went to do them, he found them very difficult and it took him several days of hard work to crack them open and solve them. They turned out not to be homework problems at all. They were two famous math problems that had never been solved.
[from "Mindset" by Carol S. Dweck, Ph. D]

Isn’t this little fragment of discovery inspiring?

I have been thinking a lot about the meaning of success lately. I finished a book called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success over a week ago and it really opened up my eyes to something I hadn’t thought about. The author separates ones with the Fixed mindset from the Growth; the former with examples stemming from childhoods with parents/teachers around that child astounded with their talent and praised over and over. The child is then consumed with the notion that they are born special and when they cannot reach this ill-fated trap of achievement again, he brushes it aside (“That’s not for me anyways.” “I don’t want to do it because it’s stupid.” or worse: “I’m not good enough.”)

Fixed mindsets are those seeking validation for their work; praise that they are indeed different, better, than everybody else. Success means something unique for each person but more often than not, the word evokes images of esteem, one-upping and pedestals.

And even as I write my novel, there are times where I crush myself; comparing myself to other great authors, embarrassed that I even think my writing may be considered readable, hoping my work will be acclaimed and adored — and that is the part of me I realize as my empty ego creeping in, having to prove itself over and over, anxious for the deadline.

The latter of the mindsets, Growth, considers another side: the side that says talent is not born but is built, nurtured and questioned. My own interpretation being that there is no prize, as the gift comes from the love of doing. There is no praise to be sought because it realizes that praise means something concrete, told, done, finished; something that, while nice, is already past. Growth continues, forward and onward.

What does success mean to you? Sometimes, if questioned and aggravated, one can find so many deeper reasons of how this answer came about and where the roots began; Validation? Competition? Measuring?

Some final words about doing work you love, fame and success from Paul Graham:

“What you should not do, I think, is worry about the opinion of anyone beyond your friends. You shouldn’t worry about prestige. Prestige is the opinion of the rest of the world. When you can ask the opinions of people whose judgment you respect, what does it add to consider the opinions of people you don’t even know? …This is easy advice to give. It’s hard to follow, especially when you’re young.  Prestige is like a powerful magnet that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy. It causes you to work not on what you like, but what you’d like to like… If you do anything well enough, you’ll make it prestigious. Plenty of things we now consider prestigious were anything but at first. So just do what you like, and let prestige take care of itself…Prestige is especially dangerous to the ambitious. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, the way to do it is to bait the hook with prestige…”

“It’s hard to find work you love; it must be, if so few do. So don’t underestimate this task. And don’t feel bad if you haven’t succeeded yet. In fact, if you admit to yourself that you’re discontented, you’re a step ahead of most people, who are still in denial. If you’re surrounded by colleagues who claim to enjoy work that you find contemptible, odds are they’re lying to themselves. Not necessarily, but probably.”

 

detachment

Opinions and judgments are the manifestation of your emotional reactions to memories and spiritual blocks. You want to remain open and not rigid in your attitudes. You must observe everything you perceive with objectivity and a lack of emotional bias. You can react to events, but you should not be overwhelmed by your reactions. You should maintain some sense of detachment even in your most emotionally affecting situations. Know why you cry; know why you have a sense of fear; know why you find yourself feeling angry. You are in control of yourself, not some person defined by outside events or manifestations of ideas that create road blocks in his or her awareness.

[ from Abundant Hope blog ]

 

searching, searching

Enjoy your doubts. Our souls feed off mysteries. -Paulo Coehlo

What are you really afraid of?
Stop avoiding it and go toward that..

The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; it is when you don’t understand yourself.

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you -Richard Bach

There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts. -Richard Bach (!!!)

anything real, true and ego-less is effortless

I’m going to fail in my own way so let me fail..

Hold on tight to your beliefs no matter what anybody says..

People have enough to live but nothing to live for; they have the means but no meaning. -Robert William Fogel

It really isn’t a journey at all of the outside. It’s the journey of our soul. Where are you going inside?

We cannot judge another’s journey with “should’s” “shouldn’t's” “never’s” – those are only projections of our own limitations..

There’s nothing really wrong with feeling angry; feeling passionate. Anger is only hurt in disguise; only when you judge that anger does it turn into ego. And the ego always loses..

Lean too much on other people’s approval and it becomes a bed of thorns. -Tehyi Hsieh

Laugh, laugh and laugh some more because it all won’t matter pretty soon : )

 

Feed your soul

As time passes, I realize more and more how important it is to be around someone or to be doing a habit with one hundred percent authenticity. If it doesn’t feed my soul, it instinctively feels somewhat unsettling and inadequate.

Yet, a part of me doesn’t let go immediately. Why? My ego may get attached, creating justifications to soothe itself; “But they have been in my life so long.” “I don’t want to look like the bad person.” “Well, it’s not hurting anybody.” “I’m just having fun.”

Anything done out of feeling loneliness, boredom or guilt will not fulfill our soul. It is a waste of time and a lie.

There isn’t time to feel bad, to care what everybody else thinks, the expectations, pressure, the explanations. There is only time to move forward, to go toward your own definition of joy and forget about the tenuous rules.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs.
Ask yourself what makes you come alive
and then go do that.
Because what the world needs is
people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman