Reminiscing and found my old journals from 2011. That was a crazy year. I guess it was one of those years where you would look back when you’re 75 and say “That was a crazy year”
I was living in Hollywood for 5 or 6 years already (this is starting to sound like a sad biography..), going out all the time, partying, meeting interesting characters, shopping, you know, being a Hollywood rat. There are a looot of rats out here.
Here’s one rat.
Anyways, a lot of things happened (a devastating break up, liars, not knowing who to trust, basically that hole you get into where you’re like What the fuck am I doing with my life?) and that’s when I made a conscious decision to cut certain people out of my life, stop going out, stop hanging out with losers, stop caring about unimportant crap. I started reading more, writing again, spending a LOT of time alone, donating and selling more than 75% of everything I owned, meditation retreat, started this blog, went on a solo 4-month trip to South America. I made a pact with myself: If who I’m hanging out with or what I’m doing isn’t a soul-enriching experience for myself or the other person then I’m not doing it. And I still live by that. There’s too many other things I could be doing. I’d rather be reading a book by myself than hanging out with a bunch of people pretending to talk about something. (It’s so true what they say–Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.)
One thing I’ve learned is if someone is scared of your direction of growth, they will say anything to discourage it. Most likely because they discourage themselves…
So I went to South America by myself with a decent amount of savings (and I don’t care what anybody says; If you’re young and traveling is what you want to do, what do you keep saving money for? Take your savings immediately, go somewhere and come back with zero), little to no knowledge of spanish, one duffel bag, volunteered for half and travelled for the other half. It was the best thing I ever did and I met so many great people with curious, optimistic mindsets.
That was almost 2 years ago (and after South America, I kept traveling – Costa Rica, Europe) and now I still live in Los Angeles but I have the life I envisioned–well I wouldn’t even say envisioned, it’s more like a feeling you know in your gut–for myself from my true core, but I had all those layers before blocking it away–and I’m still working on removing more layers. I’m truly a believer of dreaming big and if you’re dissatisfied with your self/life (which I’m sure happens many times in one lifetime), it’s because there’s something bigger and better waiting for you; waiting for you to break apart the old patterns and layers that don’t serve you anymore. ♥
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