Pure gold! Just wrapped a shoot last Friday and it is in edits now — looks amazing! Both hosts, David Wolfe and Lucy Piper, were just great. And the Nutribullet? IT’LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Seriously, I love it.

For this shoot, I did makeup, styling, catering, art direction, production coordinator…

I have the perfect picture to go after that sentence.

I ‘m a wearer of many hats. Get it? haw haw haw.

First up, I made a delicious vegetarian option: Spinach Pesto Lasagna Rolls. Recipe here. So yummy!!

Sweet potato and basil, spinach
That’s the dog’s dinner cooking in the back. He gets chicken that’s cooked on an ACTUAL STOVE. LIVIN THE BIG LIFE.

Next up, skirt steak. It gives me so much pleasure to slice through juicy meat. I wanna be a butcher in my next life.

I put this in the oven next with beef stock and onions for exxxtra juiciness.

Stuffed Chicken with sun-dried tomatoes, mushrooms, spinach

Mmm, quinoa!!! Mix with cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, parsley, mint, lemon, red wine vinegar, olive oil

You know what’s cute? Baby red potatoes.

You know what else is cute? This guy.

So, this is my Dream Home in 3 years

Love spanish style homes! A big kitchen (and NO those are not kids; they’re friends… lol), cozy library, lots of woodsy interior. I used pen and watercolors.

This is what I call home now. I decided to draw this and mark it with the date so one day I can look back and see the “progress.” I think when we feel stuck, we forget that where we are now was once where we hoped we’d be. So, I feel grateful

This one looks a little cleaner and neater because I used a ruler. Not sure if I’m going to put watercolor on it. For some reason I like it black & white.

It feels good getting back into sketching. I’m feeling crappy today so I’m just going to zone out, put some music on and sketch til my fingers get calloused.

One year older. I realized some things this past weekend… one thing was my mother (I haven’t seen/spoken to her for almost a year; my choice). There are still many times I get angry and upset and many of my reactions stem from the past with her. But a lot of why I get angry is my mind not understanding why. Why she did this, that, why she can’t understand me, why both our souls were put together in this life, why she is the way she is.

But a thought popped into my head and told me, I’m just going to let go… I don’t need to understand why because it is what it is. She is emotionally stunted along with many other mental problems and irrational fears (that’s putting it nicely; I think she is a monster) so why even try to piece all that together.. it’s like trying to understand an unsolved mystery. Sometimes things don’t have explanations (like life, I suppose). The same goes for people too. I spend wasted energy trying to figure people out but… unsolved mysteries.

It doesn’t mean I’m “healed” or forgive her (I wish forgiveness was as easy as some people make it sound–even if you forgive it takes a long time for that energy to transform into complete peace. Or perhaps I have challenges with forgiveness which is why this is my situation in this lifetime to learn how to do so..)

I may have a lot of things to work through but one thing I’m not going to be held back by is fear. I’m not afraid if it takes me til the moment before I die or when I’m in the darkest place of shadows. At least the dark place is real.

But anyways, Paris has been pushed back til the end of May (YAY) and Palm Springs was…. duh, hot. We judge cities by their food and this place has a bunch of glorified IHOPS. Food snobs, perhaps?

But I’ll give credit to Purple Palms. It was pretty nice and anytime you get a whole fish head stuffed with surprises is a good sign.

Currently reading Taco USA. Does anyone else besides me get cravings for a taco so HARD? Like, every hour of the day?  If you want good mexican food… go to a shop with a B rating. Trust me (& not the roaches on the floor).  And if this doesn’t cancel out the food snob in me, I don’t know what will.

(I love this shirt. It’s from my friend’s clothing line Hardcouture. And the gold shark tooth necklace is from her store too )

I was living in Hollywood for 5 or 6 years already (this is starting to sound like a sad biography..), going out all the time, partying, meeting interesting characters, shopping, you know, being a Hollywood rat. There are a looot of rats out here.

Here’s one rat.

Anyways, a lot of things happened (a devastating break up, liars, not knowing who to trust, basically that hole you get into where you’re like What the fuck am I doing with my life?) and that’s when I made a conscious decision to cut certain people out of my life, stop going out, stop hanging out with losers, stop caring about unimportant crap. I started reading more, writing again, spending a LOT of time alone, donating and selling more than 75% of everything I owned, meditation retreat, started this blog, went on a solo 4-month trip to South America. I made a pact with myself: If who I’m hanging out with or what I’m doing isn’t a soul-enriching experience for myself or the other person then I’m not doing it. And I still live by that. There’s too many other things I could be doing. I’d rather be reading a book by myself than hanging out with a bunch of people pretending to talk about something. (It’s so true what they say–Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.)

One thing I’ve learned is if someone is scared of your direction of growth, they will say anything to discourage it. Most likely because they discourage themselves…

So I went to South America by myself with a decent amount of savings (and I don’t care what anybody says; If you’re young and traveling is what you want to do, what do you keep saving money for? Take your savings immediately, go somewhere and come back with zero), little to no knowledge of spanish, one duffel bag, volunteered for half and travelled for the other half. It was the best thing I ever did and I met so many great people with curious, optimistic mindsets.

That was almost 2 years ago (and after South America, I kept traveling – Costa Rica, Europe) and now I still live in Los Angeles but I have the life I envisioned–well I wouldn’t even say envisioned, it’s more like a feeling you know in your gut–for myself from my true core, but I had all those layers before blocking it away–and I’m still working on removing more layers. I’m truly a believer of dreaming big and if you’re dissatisfied with your self/life (which I’m sure happens many times in one lifetime), it’s because there’s something bigger and better waiting for you; waiting for you to break apart the old patterns and layers that don’t serve you anymore. ♥

Make it for those fake-meat-haters, watch them eat half the bowl whilst exclaiming how awesome it tastes and yell SURPRISE!! IT’S VEGAN MEAT CRUMBLES!

And then later apologize and make this:

And this:

I love skewing!

This was before we cut it into thin slices. I threw together some things (like garlic, brown sugar, vinegar, peppercorns — I don’t think any combo can go wrong!) and  drowned the crap out of it and let it marinate for hours.

By the way people, these glasses are EVIL. They’re too delicate to wash. Maybe I have big bear claws or something but we started out with 12 about two months ago and now there are like 7.

Ooo, I wish I had a better picture of the drinks. Muddled blackberries, mint, lime, sparkling soda and vodka YUM!! I was drunk by glass #2.

A really good option for dinner parties. Roast garlic with olive oil and mix in bowl with cherry tomatoes, fresh basil & balsamic vinegar. Always delicious.

Also on the table were lamb chops, bucatini pasta, brussell sprouts and spinach. But like I said, drunk by glass #2.

Ahh, what is it about polaroids that make you feel like you’re 85 looking at photos of your earlier life? So sweet.

My friend Carmen did the labels–she has much better handwriting than I

Ahh.. this makes me feel so much less cluttered and eases my anxiety. Mismatching bottles must die.. and I always hate those little clear cap things with the itty bitty holes in it and you gotta peel it off with your fingernails (as it chips up your manicure) to get a teaspoon. The best part is measuring and crumbling the spices with my fingertips atop the foods. It’s so chef-like.

(Almost) every morning I make sure to drink my Glowing Green Smoothie. Some mornings I just say fuck it and eat bacon.

it looks like Gak. remember gak?

I make some creative variation of the taco (shrimp or fish or beans or corn) but the constant components are crispy shells and luscious overflowing lettuce.

sad attempt at culinary photography

mexican veggie soup (diced tomato base with vegetable stock and onions, carrots, green beans, zucchini, chickpeas, corn, chipotles) with lots of avocados

frying your own tortillas ALWAYS taste better

Isn’t this beeeautiful? I love cooking meat even if I don’t eat it. Plus, the boy would probably leave me for a barbecue-grilling-bone-pulling-carnivore if I didn’t. See, meat is the glue that holds us together.

Last week as I was saying goodbye to a friend I said, “Have a good night.” And she responds, “You too!” And then I responded, “You too!” And yes, that bothered me for hoursss. Maybe a couple days. The cringe-worthy self conscious 20′s… can they be over soon? But it’s kind of too much fun making fun of myself. Does anyone else get that way? I want stories.

Oh yes that pita bread is deliciously fried in bacon grease

It’s my dirty little secret. But now I’m OUT AND PROUD. Can I even call myself a vegetarian? Do I start eating meat again? Do I even care? I’m blinded by the bacon grease.

Anyways, enough of that… my european travelling house-guests left last night after staying for several fun, girly, gloriously-cooked-meal days. It’s soo quiet here now..

Just had to throw in a kodak-worthy moment of me and the baby from the other day.