You meet somebody. You decide you both have similar ideas. You get along so you decide they’re now your “friend.”
You’ve now created this label for this person and now you must create their characteristics, their role and who you think they are from their past actions, the things they tell you (and the blank spots you fill with your own assumptions) and their likes/dislikes.
They are now an “image” you’ve created in your mind to distinguish from other friends. This is the same with the people you’ve labeled boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, etc.
These labels all have different roles to you. A friend might be someone that should hang out with you once in a while and let you vent. A boyfriend should make time for you and do romantic things.
Let me tell you something: These roles aren’t real.
And the faster you let go of these images, the happier you will be.
Because you’ve labeled someone your best friend, does that mean you really know them? No.. you know the image you have of them. In fact, you know that image very well. You tell that false image secrets and create invisible expectations. You even “know” how that image would react to situations, what they would probably say to you and why they do what they do.
See, I’ve learned from past experience and observing others that much of our suffering is from an image, which is, well, nothing. Something we create from thin air to control.
Once your image does or says something that isn’t agreeable to you anymore or hurts your ego, you jump to conclusions. Your brain has to piece together WHY they would or wouldn’t do that, say that, treat you that way. You justify the reasons why…
“You know she said that because she’s still mad at what I did two years ago.”
“He only treats me that way because he’s been hurt in the past. Poor Bob.“
“She’s just a bitch.”
You might think to yourself, “Maybe he really wasn’t who I thought all along…” Ding ding! What you think and what is real are two different things. What you think could come from past experiences and future expectations and only what you know at that time.
Let’s look at an example I’m sure seems very real to many. You’re pissed because your boyfriend hasn’t called you yet and you’re stewing in your anger. You think he doesn’t love you enough and that he’s a forgetful person. Now you’re suffering in this negative energy and he’s feeling excellent and very unforgetful-like. He has no idea you’re feeling this way. Maybe he’s even thinking about how much he misses you. Or maybe he really doesn’t give a shit and you’re still emotionally attaching yourself to this false image.
Why do we choose to make ourselves suffer instead of enjoying things for what they are and appreciating the beauty of someone else’s soul? Are your actions coming from love and understanding or from hurt and ego? See things as they are, not how you would want them to be. If you’ve read this far, you might conclude with thinking I’m an enlightened person who’s got it all figured out or that I’m a person sitting on her pedastal that doesn’t really know the crap she’s spewing.
Neither is true. And that’s pretty awesome.