Why has society norm become such a way that relationships equal chains? Why does it equal sacrificing, losing yourself, feeling guilty and ultimately being dishonest? I believe it doesn’t have to be this way…
I went on a quick weekend trip couple weeks ago with my sister and had a comment or two from others asking why I didn’t go with my boyfriend or wondering what was wrong. This struck me as so odd I could barely respond how I was feeling. Inside, my mind was racing with a million thoughts.
Do people actually live this way? (I know they do.) Living so attached waiting for the other’s approval, afraid to piss the other off, afraid to ask for what they want and need? If you are in a relationship that does not allow freedom whether it is because of lack of trust or just pure fear, it’s probably time to sit down and talk about why with the other person or just let each other go..
I’ve had relationship(s) where I didn’t want to say no, didn’t want to disagree or “mess anything up.” And it came from fear — fear of him not loving me anymore. I didn’t want to be unloved. It all comes down to our primal instincts as a child and our incessant need to correct (or just re-live) these problems we’ve never gotten over as an adolescent. Seriously.
I was single for a year and a half by choice, traveled alone for months, did everything my soul ached for and listened to myself. Truly listened. And I continue to nurture this part of me. Now, I do as I please with a mindfulness of my partner — a shared joy that we both know each other as we are, nothing hidden, and we share a playfulness and deep love for each other that is stronger than any outside thing, material or expectation.
I respect his mind and love his heart. I don’t wish him to change nor does he expect me.
“Love is freedom.” One could argue that that means allowing them to cheat and walk all over you. No. If one wants to “cheat,” there is no relationship. They are lying to their partner and first and foremost, they are lying to themselves. It takes a lot to say, I am open and ready to be honest about myself and my desires. Don’t lie to yourself. It will save a lot of heartbreak… especially hurting other people. That’s just shitty.
I can understand open relationships because they are honest. (Even though lately, I feel like the term is so overused now that people take it and fly over the moon with it) It could mean, ok, you fill certain needs in me and I have extra needs to be met somewhere else. Fine. Right now, I am happy in a monogamous relationship and enjoy it. But if I were lying to myself, I would most likely act out in all kinds of ways and rationalize it someway somehow. Every act is a choice — whether it’s a conscious choice coming from acceptance and truth, that’s something we come to realize and understand. I just believe a relationship is an unfolding of sorts, learning and exploring–physically and emotionally–and the love between two people is what allows that raw unearthing of ourselves to unfold freely without fear or judgment.
“You must love in a such a way that the person you love feels free.” -Thich Nhat Hanh